Message From The MessengerFinding Your Mate God's Way
[Or Resisting The Pied Piper Of Dating]

... a Message from the Messenger
Bible 1611.Com / Sluice Box / Old Paths Baptist Mission © 2014

There are many lives have been ruined by this century’s adoption of the practice of dating.

 The broken marriages, the broken families … are the curse of dating. God’s ideal pattern of how a person should find their mate is based on sound scriptural principles.

Do you want God’s blessing in your marriage?

• Questioning The Authority
• The Pied Piper Comes To Town
• The Children Left To Themselves Are Spoiled
• Set Your Heart Aright
• Dating Your Purity Away to Your Destruction
• God’s Master Plan
• The Bible Path To Betrothing

Finding Your Mate God’s Way! (Or Resisting The Pied Piper Of Dating)

If we have "set" our "hope in God," it is because we believe "the words" that come from God's mouth. The Holy Bible is the pure word of God, and is "purely" preserved in our English language in the Authorized Version of 1611. "The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Thou shalt preserve them from this generation for ever." [Psalm12: 6-7] "We will not hide them" Vs.4, from our children.  We must not, and for this reason; so "that the generation to come might know them" Vs.6.

In this message I want to preach on the dangers our children face if they try to find their mate through the practice of DATING.  I want to show from God's word some basic scriptural principles that will show our young people how they can find their mate for life.  I want to show that BETROTHING is the way, because it is The LORDS way to one finding their mate.

Now let me turn to you, young men, and let me turn to you, young ladies.  Have you ever felt that life has been too hard on you; that maybe you haven't got all that you truly can get?  I mean, look at all those rules in your life that conspire to control you.  Aren't they just so many restrictions that have been deliberately placed on you, and really are no good for you?  After all, who knows better what is good for you … except for you?

Now, have your friends ever piped that one to you?  Come on now, someone has whispered this one to you more than once, and maybe twice.  Yea!  How about, many times!

I. Questioning The Authority (Genesis 3:1-6)

“Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”

You have to admit that more than once, and maybe twice, or maybe many times, you have, in the quiet musings of the heart, from within yourself, heard that voice.  It begins by questioning the authorities in your life.  It is done like this.  You first misquote them, or misrepresent them, while you try to feel out this new friend that seems so peculiarly irresistible to you … who is leading you off on some wild tangent with such a BIG QUESTION. 


He now has your ear. “And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.”  You answer your new friend with something that is just a little less than the truth like Eve did.  I mean, you decide to embellish it a little with your own little revision as to what The Authority said, by adding “neither shall ye touch it.”  

"What is the harm?” you say.  That is how our old heart works. “And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”  Now … you have been primed for this one.  You are ready for a whopping big lie, and it is exactly what you wanted to hear.  "The God-given authorities in your life … are not there for your good! Dating is good for you!"

Your new friend has piped to you a tune so irresistible and so captivating that you swallow it all down into the inner parts of the belly.  After all … all your senses agree that every thing your friend has ever told you … is the truth.  “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.”

This account is six thousands years old! (Watch out! Sin has a price that is higher than you will ever want to pay.)

 II. The Pied Piper Comes To Town

In the nineteenth century poem: The Pied Piper Of Hamelin by R. Browning, we see the following scene. (For those of you who are familiar with the story, the town of Hamelin was infested with rats, and the city fathers were desperate for a solution.)

“Come in!" the mayor cried, looking bigger: And in did come the strangest figure!
(I wonder who he might be?) “His queer long coat from heel to head, Was half of yellow and half of red; And he himself was tall and thin, With sharp blue eyes each like a pin, And loose light hair, yet swarthy skin, No tuft on cheek, nor beard on chin, But lips where smiles went out and in--- There was no guessing his kith and kin! And nobody could enough admire, The tall man and his quaint attire.”

Quoth one, “It’s as my great-grandsire, Starting up the Trump of Doom’s tone, Had walked this way from his painted tombstone!”  He advanced to the council table: And, “Please your honors,” said he, “I’m able, By means of a secret charm, to draw All creatures living beneath the sun…”

And so goes the story!  If you are willing to hire him, and have agreed to pay the high price, he will perform you the services, that will smooth this life’s road for you, and so will ease you, I am told, of the burden of all those attendant troubles common to this life.  And of course, if you fail to pay what was promised, the Devil will exact from you a higher price than you ever meant to pay.

"Once more he stept into the street; And to his lips again, Laid his long pipe of smooth, straight cane; And ere he blew three notes (such sweet, Soft notes as yet musician’s cunning, Never gave the enraptured air) There was a rustling, that seemed like a bustling, Of merry crowds justling at pitching and hustling, Small feet were pattering, wooden shoes clattering, Little hands clapping, and little tongues chattering, And, like fowls in a farm-yard when barley is scattering, Out came the children running. All the little boys and girls, with rosy cheeks and flaxen curls, And sparkling eyes and teeth like pearls, Tripping and skipping, ran merrily after, The wonderful music with shouting and laughter. The Mayor was dumb, and the Council stood, As if they were changed into blocks of wood, Unable to move a step, or cry, To the children merrily skipping by--- And could only follow with the eye, That joyous crowd at the Piper’s back."

Let's pause for a moment.  Everything thus far in the story seems to be fine. The children are happy, (so it seems) and we, as parents, even begin to talk to ourselves in this way: "Let's just go only a little bit away from the precepts and commands of God." “Listen,” we parents say, "Let our children choose for themselves alone the path they want to take to find their life mate."

III. The Children Left To Themselves Are Spoiled (Or Ruined)

Now let's see what happens to the children following the Pied Piper in our story.

"… And after him the children pressed; great was the joy in every breast. He never can cross that mighty top! “He’s forced to let the piping drop, and we shall see our children stop! When, lo! As they reached the mountain’s side, a wondrous portal opened wide, as if a cavern was suddenly hollowed; and when all were in to the very last, the door in the mountain side shut fast."

Yes, the children are going down!  Look at the divorces and broken homes!  What began as a trickle will end with a flood.  The strangest figure has “walked this way from his painted tombstone" to do for us his service.  He is able “by means of a secret charm, to draw” our children away to their destruction through a vain deceptive philosophy.

He is A Pied Piper!

He is our adversary.  He is the Devil, himself, and he now has for several generations, mesmerized us, and TOTALLY distracted us through a vain philosophy of his own very special making.  This VAIN THING has been TOTALLY adopted by our nation.  This vain philosophy is called DATING.

We have forgotten the warning of Colossians 3:18. “Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.”

IV. Set Your Heart Aright

What, then, is “after Christ”?  The answer is THE BOOK!

Fathers!  Mothers!  Young persons ... LOOK in the Bible! Believe THE BIBLE!  Memorize The Bible!  Meditate in The Bible!  Take it for your own heart-felt practices.  DETERMINE in your heart to build your relationships on scriptural principles found in God's Holy Writ.  Always go the way through faith ... in THE BOOK. “Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” [Hebrews 11:1,6].  Be sure you are IN CHRIST JESUS!  Yes, SAVED by the blood of The Lamb of God.  Saved from the eternal wrath of God, and going to heaven!  Saved!  Saved!  Saved!  Amen!

V. Dating Your Purity Away ... To Your Destruction!

The tradition of dating began early in this century.  It began as a deceptively benign little trickle.  The first fruit of it was not so visible. Some of you who are older, no doubt, never experienced the worst of the awful scars we see in the generation coming up today.  These awful scars are manifested in so many lives by the loss of virtue, purity and a clean heart. The fornications, adulteries and the resulting broken homes and marriages have attested to the witness that this big MESS all started when we left off from the Bible precept of BETROTHING.

The practice of DATING started in the destructive wake of our national departure from our roots as a people who were founded on the precepts and principles of God's word ... The Holy Bible.

What then ... Is this thing called DATING?  Dating is an appointment, or series of appointments, made by the young man and the young woman ... who have an interest in each other ... which involves a planned time, and a planned place ... together, and quite often, ALONE. This is NOT WISE!  I do not have to say why.  It is obvious!  More than this, the dating tradition does not have marriage to that person primarily in view.

The Dating Practice is a series of "tasting relationships" where the young man or young woman gives away their purity degree by degree to others.  Courting, on the other hand, is an act of a man wooing in love a woman, and has, as its primary goal ... betrothal and therefore, marriage.  Courting is, therefore, NOBLE in its intentions.

In contrast, Dating is rooted in selfish goals and impure thoughts, and its horrible fruit (and I say ITS HORRIBLE FRUIT) is seen in the loss of purity and in defiled consciences, which hobble the future marriages, and produce the flood of broken homes.  What begins as a trickle … ends with a flood.

Dating sacrifices on the "altar of the now" what God meant to be enjoyed on the "altar of the marriage covenant."  Dating seeks the immediate fleshly satisfaction.  Courting has the noble goal ... a lasting beautiful marriage. Dating is throwing your faith, purity and virtue away to yours, and your children's, DESTRUCTION.

VI. God's Master Plan ... Betrothing!


We can say this. It has its origin in The Holy Bible, and is first seen in the book of Genesis in the story of Issac and Rebekah.

Betrothing has marriage in view as the primary goal. In this view also is seen, through the eye of faith, Jesus Christ, who is to be the foundation of that marriage.

The Betrothing process includes the participation of the parents in the whole of the matter.  The fathers are to be especially involved, being responsible for guiding and protecting the two young persons in this most awe-inspiring and important decision in their lives.

The development of the special relationship between the two young persons should be promoted in this particular order.

1. The Spiritual Relationship
The spiritual relationship to God and each other should be the first bond developed, so as to be close, as possible, to the biblical ideal of betrothing.

2. The Friendship Relationship
This is where the two begin to get to know each other, becoming emotionally bonded.  This will occur at appointed times, and always before the families of all involved. (Never are they to be alone together!)

3. The Physical Relationship
The physical relationship is to be last for good reason.  Two becoming one flesh is the very essence and center of the marriage bond. "Therefore shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." [Genesis 2:24]

VII. The Bible Path To ... Betrothing!

For the God-fearing young man, the woman he marries should be a woman of faith, “a true daughter of Sara,” (whose daughters ye are---1 Peter 3:6).  She should be “faithful in all things.” [1 Timothy 3:11]

She should be pure, and clean, and totally committed to the Lord Jesus Christ, separated unto God, and not in love with this present world.  For the young woman, the man she marries should be a saved by the blood, BORN AGAIN BELIEVER, and he should be as Christ is to the Church.  He needs to be a man who will love his wife by giving up his life for her ... in order to promote her ... and to cherish her. [Ephesians 5:25-30]

The Bible path to betrothing has these seven components:

1. "A Learning Time"

2. "A Foundation: It Is Not Good To Be Alone"

3. " A Pattern!"

4. "An Invitation To The Special Person"

5. "A Building Block"

5. "A Display Of Wise Behavior"

6. "An Agreement!"

1. "The Learning Time"
The learning time is a waiting time.  It is a period of time when we are to be growing up under the authority of our parents, and focusing on the development of our character in Jesus Christ. (I emphasize this, that a person needs to be truly born again.) It is truly a time when we need the protection of our parents.

2. "The Foundation: It Is Not Good To Be Alone"
For a foundation, we need to go to the book of Genesis, and see a truth that is imbedded there.  It is concerning the order of the creation.  The order in the creation is so very important. In all that, God created in those first six days (including Adam), the work would not be complete until He created the woman.  God would not allow the evening of the sixth day to come until He "squared off" with His declaration of Genesis 2:18. 

In God's infinite wisdom and intention, by a wondrous design, Adam needed to experience loneliness before receiving his help meet. It was for this end, and for this reason, so that God would have this declared of him. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” [Genesis 2:18]

Adam would have to be made to feel his loneliness.  This was in two ways. “And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” [Genesis 2:19-20]

First: Adam would have to see God's design in the order of the creation by observing the distinctiveness of both "the male" and "the female" in the naming of the creatures before him.  Adam pondered much in his heart and was filled with great wonder. "Wow! I am ALONE, I have no counterpart."

3. " The Pattern!"

Genesis 24 gives us a pattern that consists of these types, and we can see the relationships.

A. Abraham's Heart Turned Toward His Son

In Genesis chapter 24, we see in his old age that Abraham was concerned about his son, and who he should marry.  Oh, my! If only fathers today had this concern for their sons! Abraham already had what the Spirit of God prophesied concerning the future ministry of John the Baptist. "And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children". Abraham's heart was turned to his son. Abraham, therefore, commissions his servant to take a journey for the express purpose to "take a wife unto my son Isaac". (Vs.4)

B. The Servant's Commission

This unnamed servant then, is a type of the ministry of the Holy Ghost today in the dispensation of the church.  He is the third person of the triune God that is revealed throughout the Book of God.  He is shown to be present in the "us" of Genesis 3:22 "And the Lord God said, behold the man is become one of us."  The ministry of the servant is to do the Father's bidding for the Son. "Howbeit when he, the spirit of truth is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but what soever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and will shew you things to come. He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine and shall shew it unto you." [John 16:13-19]

C. The Servant Goes To Kindred Far Away To Bring A Bride Home For The Son

The servant of Abraham is made to "swear by the Lord, the God of heaven." "And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac."  A son or daughter who is a true Christian (A BIBLE BELIEVER) should not marry an unbeliever. (See II Corinthians 6)

Careful here!  Be very careful.

D. The Woman is Fair And Pure

"And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up." The servant sees the first sign of the woman of Proverbs 31 in Rebekeh.

E. The Woman Is Industrious

"And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels." The servant sees the second sign of the woman of Proverbs 31 in Rebekeh.

F. The Bride's Parents (Or Family) Hear The Invitation

"And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands. And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the LORD, and blessed the LORD God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master's brother's daughter unto his son. And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left."

The God-vested authority of the parents is recognized.  They form the defensive perimeter to protect their daughter ... from the destructive relationships outside.  Rebekah chooses to enjoy her protective cocoon till the right man comes at the right time!

G. And Give Their Consent

"Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken."  If God is in it ... then the hearts of the parents will be moved to consent.  Faith!  Trust!

H. The Maiden Receives The Invitation And Makes Her Choice

"And they said, We will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go." The young woman enjoys from within the protective cocoon of God's blessed provision, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, that he has made to shelter a young woman ... from the wrong man ... in a wrong marriage.  Rebekah was most blessed to have her parents protecting and guiding her in this process ... of who to marry.  She said: “I WILL GO!”  She had a choice!  And she was able to make that choice ... IN COMPLETE SAFETY! Amen!

I. The Marriage

"And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a veil, and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death."

4. "The Invitation ... To The Special Person"

Your intentions should be clear to all around concerning this special person.  They should be pure!  They should be noble. Immediately relate your intentions concerning her (or him) to your father and mother.  First promote the spiritual relationship with a spiritual invitation.  Psalm 34:3 is just such a type of invitation that promotes a proper show of intent.  All should meditate therein.

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together."

Psalm 34:3 is to be a type of a foundation invitation. 

5. "Lay The Building Block"

The passage in Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 is the "building block". "Two are better than one; because they have good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." [Ecclesiastes 4:9-10]

To understand this building block refer back to the foundation truth of Genesis 2:18; "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone."

You need to be prepared by the principle, that man ought not be alone in life's journey, and that his labor on the earth will be impaired and yea, even come to naught without his helpmeet.

Yes!  Two are better than one!  The helpmeet is the complementary and essential other half to make a man whole.  Without the woman, a man is incomplete.

 Look at the warning in verse 10; the "woe to him that is alone" amplifies the truth of Genesis 2:18.  If he is alone...and falls, the results are often tragic. 

6. "Display Wise Behavior"

Determine to behave yourself wisely.  Consider David's behavior in these verses in 1 Samuel 18:5,14,15,30.
Vs.5 "And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely..."
Vs.14 "And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the Lord was with him."
Vs.15 "Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely, he was afraid of him."
Vs.30 "that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul; so that his name was much set by."

There should be no physical relationship at all till the marriage.  You ought to allow:

1. No holding of the hands.

2. No hugging.

3. And no kissing.

Amen! Amen! Amen!

Keep all these physical interactions for the marriage.  Do not fall for philosophy that is "vain" ... that is being piped to you by the Pied Piper.

The First Six Components In Review...

In having given the invitation to that special person; "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together," [Psalm 34:3] and having established with her (or him) "the lynch pin" which is the underlying basic truth that "two are better than one" and with keeping Genesis 2:18 in the foreground, "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone," convey to her (or him) your commitment to "behave myself wisely" in to this whole matter of pursuing the marriage relationship.  Four times in one chapter of the old black Book the Spirit of God inscribed the words "behaved himself wisely" in describing David's actions before Israel.

You need to "provide things honest in the sight of all men." [Romans 12:17] Acts chapter 24, verse 16 needs to be maintained as your desire, "And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offense toward God, and toward men."

Your special relationship should not involve the holding of each other hands nor touching each other and you should not kiss her until the day of your marriage.

7. (And Lastly) "Come To Agreement!"

"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" [Amos 3:3]

This then, becomes the central pillar to support the walk of two together -----AGREEMENT!

 Is there, then, agreement on the issues of life? It is imperative to search each other out concerning the beliefs and practices. This searching will "clear the air" and give "no uncertain sound."

If you have these seven components, you are on the Bible path to betrothing.

I will list them again.

 The components are:

1. A Learning Time

2. A Foundation

3. A Pattern!

4. An Invitation

5. A Building Block

6. A Display Of Wise Behavior

7. An Agreement!

Psalms 78:1-8

"Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God."

Young person ... FLEE THE DATING WAY!

Resist the Devil in this thing!

 Resist the Pied Piper Of Dating!

Do not try to find your own mate through the practice of DATING.

Parents ... TAKE and HOLD the basic scriptural principles of BETROTHING found in God's BOOK.  Teach them to your sons and daughters so that they can find their mate for life God's WAY.

 BETROTHING is the way, because it is The LORDS way to finding ones mate.  Amen! Amen! Amen!